Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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