She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
