If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
