yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
