I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
