Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
