we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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