D3 body, D1 cock
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Even my vagina gasped.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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