I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
