Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
