I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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