had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
