I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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