Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
