So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
