You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
