I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
