is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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