I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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