I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
