community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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