Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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