THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
