if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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