she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
