he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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