i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
