ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
