This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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