I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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