Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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