It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
