I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
