Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
