gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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