The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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