We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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