He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
