I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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