Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
