Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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