Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We're too hungover to prance.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
