How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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