Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
