its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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