im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
