You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
