I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
