i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
