he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
