is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
