Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
