I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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