just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
